Ask For What You Want
A weekend leadership seminar in Northern Ireland. The dozen or so participants are owners of small to medium sized companies, senior managers from a major corporation, and assorted others including a Catholic nun. The seminar is part of a business school’s Master of Science in Leadership program. The man who directs the program noticed that his students often failed to ask directly for what they want—not good if you desire to lead. He asked me (I am leading the seminar) to address the issue.
We sit in a circle and discuss the difficulty of asking for what you want, the whys and hows of doing so, and then I suggest that we practice. The first few people to speak ask for what you would expect.
“I want new accounts for the business.”
“I want more energy from my people.”
It is the nun’s turn. She says, “I want someone to give me a house.”
The group is stunned by the direct, specific request. It seems very improbable: who gives houses away? It also seems audacious and absurd!
The man sitting next to her asks why she wants a house. She explains that she wants to set up a shelter for mothers and children who need a temporary place to live.
He tells her, “I have several houses that I need to get rid of. You can have one; two if you want them.”
His company purchased a property on which he intends to build a plant. There was a row of abandoned houses along the edge of the property. He is renovating and selling them. He is offering to give her one or two newly renovated houses.
For the second time in just a few minutes, the group is stunned. The exchange between the man and the nun is a dramatic demonstration of what we talked about during our discussion: that you have a much better chance of getting what you want if you ask for it, and if you ask in a direct and specific way. Also that doing so is an indicator of strength rather than weakness: the others recognize her request as an act of courage.
So let’s practice. I’ll go first.
I want at least a million people, including you, to read my next book within the first year of publication. (The book, Is Your Genius At Work?, will be released this coming November)
Your turn. Use the comment link below, and remember: direct and specific.
P.S. I don’t have any houses to give away.
Saturday, May 21st, 2005 at 10:41 am ◊ Comment or trackback◊ Send this post to someone who will thank you for it »
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May 22nd, 2005 at 11:34 am
Dick - Thanks for this post. I love it and will be sharing it with others. I am a HUGE believer of the power of making requests and have blogged about it a few times. Your example is wonderful.
My request: I want a great publisher to pick up my next book, 2 Weeks 2 a Breakthrough, and to provide an advance that allows me to take the next several months to focus on writing a fantastic book!
Bonus request: I would like to find a magical writer’s retreat in New Mexico that is reasonable (can need cosmetic TLC, but must be in wonderful setting).
May 27th, 2005 at 3:59 pm
Thank you Dick. This is a great reminder of the power of asking for what you want.
I want to create a powerful work opportunity where I can use my gifts and talents at an executive level, earning six figures and working 60% time. This will allow me to balance that work with a few fulfilling coaching clients and Heart of a Female Leadership retreats with my dearest partner Jeaneen.
May 28th, 2005 at 10:13 am
I want to take a back seat in this thread and let the comments roll for a while. For some reason that I can’t yet articulate, I think it is better that way, given the nature of my original entry. Please don’t take my relative silence for disinterest. Just keep asking for what you want.
—Dick Richards
June 6th, 2005 at 4:45 pm
Hiya Dick…
I’m re-aligning myself at the moment with what I want. I know it’s got to do with living my art in prosperity and abundance. I know it’s got to do with being active as a healer (I’ve just completed level two of an Hawaiian ka huna bodywork course, and am setting up a practice as a ka huna masseur). I know it’s got to do with using my skills as a writer, communicator, connector.
I’m not at all sure if it’s ONE thing I want. Or many.
I know that I’m definitely feeling the fatigue of being a freelance television producer/director. That is not my flow. (The name of my genius is “Guiding the Flow”, which is still, I sense, accurate, several years after I named it.)
So… what do I want? I’ll be as specific as I can for now, and see what comes of it…
I want an income of R30 000 per month (that’s around US$5 000 per month), working half-days, four to five days a week, living my art in its various forms (sketching, writing, filmmaking, creating, connecting with people).
Thanks for the opportunity to clarify what I want. (Being specific about wants isn’t so much about the universe simply providing. It’s also about not being vague, and about activating the taking of responsibility for oneself.)
Blue skies
love
Roy
PS: I’ll definitely be contributing at LEAST one sale of the million you’re after. I love your work.
July 30th, 2005 at 7:14 am
I want to learn/understand the process and name my genius. Sounds like a logical first step is orderning the book– which I will do.
July 30th, 2005 at 11:46 am
Music to my ears Shari — you can order the book from the “books” page at ongenius.com
I feel certain it will be well worth your time and money or I wouldn’t have bothered writing the thing
August 1st, 2005 at 1:38 pm
ordered _Artful Work_ through Amazon.com and am working on exercise of listing negative labels, what I was trying to do when labelled and search for common thread intrigueing!! thanks
October 19th, 2006 at 11:23 pm
I went to a marketing seminar three days ago and we were asked for a specific 90 day goal and I said i wanted 15 Champers and Soxs party bookings.
When i see this challenge to ask for what we want and be specific about it. I want Karen Wallace and I to get sufficient sales of our new book Save Our Xmas Sanity that we can grow the project next year.
Universe I’m working at it but i’m also putting it out there to you as well. I’m starting to lose my confidence!
October 20th, 2006 at 9:39 am
Chris,
Keep working at it! Stay confident! If you are doing the right things, the right things will happen. Books take on a life of their own after a while. But until they do, we have to nudge them. Read or re-read The Tipping Point and follow its advice. Have faith. Keep on asking for what you want.
Oh…and have a look at Debbie Call’s great series of posts about how to recognize divine guidance. It begins here.
November 16th, 2006 at 8:58 am
I want to get more sleep, at least 8 hrs in bed, every day - or at least most days … which has been difficult, in my busy life.
~ Yvette
P.S. Direct & specific requests aren’t easy, but it’s fun to try!
November 16th, 2006 at 9:59 am
Yvette - that seems specific enough to me. It is like asking a question. Ask a general question and you will get a general answer. “How are you?” “OK.” Ask a more specific question and you will, more than likely, get a more specific answer.
November 30th, 2006 at 3:56 pm
I am looking for a job in the software industry as a Java Programmer or Tester .I am living in California and I have been trying for the last few years.I liked the asking what you want excercise especially asking it direct and specific.I am very much impressed by the way the nun expressed her wish!!!
Rgds
Rhama
December 3rd, 2006 at 5:42 pm
Hi
In my earlier posting i wrote by mistake that I am looking for a job .But what I meant to write was “I want a job in the software industry”.(Either as a Java Programmer or Web application Developer.).I took a break from my career because of my family commitments and now when I want to get back it is very difficult especially in the bay area ,CA.
I think I am going to gain a lot of knowledge from this blogger site and let us see what happens.
Regards
Rhama
December 4th, 2006 at 7:38 am
Rhama - more specific is always better when asking for what we want. Along with you, I too hope you “gain a lot of knowledge from this blogger site.”
January 14th, 2007 at 4:10 am
I want a copy of your book, “Is Your Genius at Work?” and a copy of the DVD set for “What the Bleep?/Down the Rabbit Hole.” Also, I’d like more enlightening motivational books on audio CD. Any recommendations from anyone out there?
I will be standing at my mailbox early Monday waiting for the mail delivery! I know you need to be careful when wishing, so I will make my other dreams specific.
Dick, when can you write a book telling me where I should live based on my inner Genius? I want to know where I will be most happy and healthy in a big comfortable home, safely built on a hill or mountain by a stream or creek with waterfalls. It must be in an area with a warm, sunny and mild four-season climate with little snowfall in the winter. It would be nice if it was by a mountain with lots of lush, green trees.
I want to continue being successful in my romance enrichment business and become even wealthier all around - financial, romance, health! Oh, and I want all my loved ones and customers to be happy and healthy and to return business with me with their friends for more! Also, I want to open a sexual health clinic for women.
Hey, if someone can ask for one house and got TWO, why not ask for a new Odyssey or Sienna Minivan, but in HYBRID!
I want either an Odyssey Touring or Sienna Limited HYBRID - EIGHT passenger in a pearl white metallic exterior with gold trim and gray material interior, with a gray dash board (no wood finish - ick!). I want it delivered to me paid in full and fully stocked with roof rack, moonroof, those running boards things, all the protective measures like floor mats and cargo covers, etc. and a lifetime membership to xm radio and every navigation/onstar program out there! Why not add satellite TV for the rear seat entertainment/DVD system? Oh yeah and I want it bluetooth enabled, gotta be safe when on the road calling by buddy Dick Richards to say thanks, right?
Why not add in a nice sized camper to pull with the trailer hitches on my new minivan? And all the amenities on that as well!
By the way I need only one of these minivans, not two!
Maybe then I can convince my hunny it’s time for us to have kids!
I want to see more people of the world happier, seeing and appreciating the positive things in life. I think this would make the world more peaceful. While I am at it, I would like to see my country (USA) be more peaceful and see more folks put more emphasis put on the happier and more peaceful things there are rather than all the violence. Also, put more emphasis on the beauty of the USA and the world. Don’t violate it - appreciate it!
Missy
January 15th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Way to go Missy! No shyness about putting your wants out there.
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:35 pm
You have to ask for something in order to to get it, right?
Your chances for getting something will increase 200% if you ask!
You lose nothing by asking!
March 5th, 2007 at 10:00 am
OK, how can “just asking” for something work? It doesn’t make sense to me.
April 24th, 2007 at 10:26 am
I want to give birth to twins. A boy and a girl. I am 41 years old and I want to experience Gods greatest gift and child bearing. I want both babies to be healthy and ready to get all the unconditional love mommy has for them. I will thank God in advance for blessing me with two beautiful healthy babies. Thank you God.
Michelle
May 16th, 2007 at 1:19 am
I want lots of java programmers to follow a new style of programming I call Flow and Focus programming. This style I believe brings forth the finer power of mind by first recognising that there are two different faculties in our mind -both are necessary but complementary in our daily life -creative or otherwise. I want to go teaching this style of programming all over the world. Flow and Focus will become a style of thinking and problem solving in the natural world. I want to organise weekend retreat for programmers following this style of program development.
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:11 pm
I want to authentically state in the next 5 years, “I can’t believe they pay me to do this.” And I want to mean it.
May 29th, 2007 at 6:58 am
I simply want to find out what my genius is!
September 26th, 2007 at 7:17 am
I want “anchor income” - a long range project or part time position - to secure stability of income which allows me to continue to prosper and be of service to others. This anchor project will use the best of who I am, be creative, fun, results-oriented and enriching for others and myself.
January 31st, 2008 at 9:39 am
I love this:
“Mario DeCarolis Says:
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:11 pm
I want to authentically state in the next 5 years, “I can’t believe they pay me to do this.” And I want to mean it.”
That’s what I want too. I also want to be able to recognize my genius by the end of February.
Thanks for such a great book- I am benefiting from it immensely and I’m only page 55!
March 7th, 2008 at 11:47 am
To be at ease with myself at all times
March 7th, 2008 at 11:47 am
I want: To be at ease with myself at all times
May 6th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I want to help people. I work at K Mart for the time being but I really want to save lives. I want 20,000 dollars to pay for the bills I owe, schooling to become a paramedic and a car so I can get to and from work and school without it taking me two hours to walk there.