Come Gather Round

In a previous post, Don’t Sheild Them From Distress, I suggested that keeping bad news from people is a disservice because some level of distress is necessary for change to occur. Since writing that post I recalled a great example invloving a man whom I once knew.

He had been a young minor league baseball player whose route to the big leagues was blocked by a star who occupied his position. During one spring training a credible rumor circulated that he was about to be traded to another organization that needed someone at his position on their major league team: he was a catcher. This rumor, of course, elated him. However, when the trade was announced, he was not included.

A few days later he ran into the General Manager of the second team and asked him why that team had passed on the opportunity to trade for him. The General Manager told him that he would not become a productive major league hitter because his bat was too slow, and that his throwing arm would also limit him.

He was devastated at first but then asked the managers and coaches around him if they agreed with that assessment. They did, and he retired from baseball soon afterward.

I met him about 25 years later. He was a Vice President in a major corporation and told me, in heartfelt tones, how much he appreciated the General Manager’s honesty and directness.

Repeating what I wrote at the end of the original post:

So, if you manage others and they need to change, don’t shield them from distress. If friends or family members need to change, don’t shield them from distress. This does not mean setting out to cause distress. It usually means telling the truth, no matter how difficult to bear that truth may be.

And don’t expect that telling the truth alone will be enough to initiate change: expect instead that witholding distressing truths may render change impossible.